Hours after news circulated regarding Meg Ryan and John Mellencamp‘s most recent split — including the end of their engagement — a source close to the on-again,off-again couple told Closer Weekly closing the door on their relationship wasn’t necessarily easy for either of them.

“She will always love John, and really, she’s not laying any of the blame at his feet,” an insider close to the former pair exclusively revealed to Closer. “He has to be who he is, but very importantly, Meg has to main her own vision, her own identity and plot out her life the way she feels is best. And right now, she feels it is best they go their separate ways.”

Ohio St Indiana Basketball, Bloomington, USA
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Although the couple is no longer together, the source said the breakup was extremely difficult because of all the memories they share. “Meg agonized over this, and shed more than a few tears over this decision,” the insider explained. “She loves John with all her heart — he’s a very intense man and she said she never felt the deep and profound love he offered her with any man in her life, even in her marriages.”

However, the source dished that Meg and John — who first began dating in 2010 — were no longer on the same wavelength. “Look, Meg is 57 and her vision of how she wanted to live the rest of her life just didn’t match up with John’s,” the insider explained. “She’s going through heartbreak now believing she’s avoiding an even more intense heartbreak down the road if they had gotten married.”

The couple called it quits just days before the first anniversary of their highly anticipated engagement, Closer Weekly confirmed on Wednesday, October 30. As fans remember, the “Jack and Diane” rocker, 68, and the You’ve Got Mail actress announced they were officially engaged with a simple Instagram post in November 2018. “ENGAGED!” she captioned a pen drawing of the two.

Meg Ryan out and about, New York, America - 13 Apr 2014
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Although Meg and John were looking forward to planning a wedding, the insider added that they know this is for the best. “But this was still a very, very hard decision for Meg. She invested the better part of 10 years in this relationship,” the source explained. “This is actually their third breakup since 2011, and I don’t know that Meg has it in her emotionally to ever try again with John.”

Considering the American musician and the rom-com legend seemed to be over the moon following their engagement news last year, fans can’t believe they are officially over. A previous source even told Closer earlier this year that the couple were “truly happy” together and were “solid” in their relationship.

We wonder if this is officially it for Meg and John — stay tuned!