While it may seem like Meghan Markle is living quite the life today, it appears it wasn’t always like that as she once revealed in her blog that her twenties were absolutely “brutal.”

Long before the Duchess of Sussex, 37, married Prince Harry, she had a now-defunct lifestyle blog called The Tig. And in one particular post, Meghan explained how rough it was for her as a young woman. Express shared the now-deleted post.

“I am 33 years old today. And I am happy. And I say that so plainly because, well…it takes time,” the former actress wrote. “To be happy. To figure out how to be kind to yourself. To not just choose that happiness, but to feel it…My 20s were brutal — a constant battle with myself, judging my weight, my style, my desire to be as cool/as hip/as smart/as ‘whatever’ as everyone else.”

Prince Harry Meghan Markle
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Meghan also added that as she got older, she learned that being herself is “enough.” In fact, in July of 2016, two years after this blog post, she met her future husband, 34, during a visit to London. So it certainly seems like life worked out fairly well for her.

And this isn’t the first time that one of the Duchess’ old blog posts have surfaced again for all to see. A little while ago Meghan revealed that while she always wanted to be a princess, she didn’t want to be a typical Disney one. “Little girls dream of being princesses. I, for one, was all about She-Ra, Princess of Power,” she wrote on her site. “For those of you unfamiliar with the ’80s cartoon reference, She-Ra is the twin sister of He-Man, and a sword-wielding royal rebel known for her strength. We’re definitely not talking about Cinderella here.”

Meghan Markle
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The Suits alum even mentioned Prince William‘s wife, and the person she would eventually have a rumored rift with, Kate Middleton. “Grown women seem to retain this childhood fantasy,” she continued. “Just look at the pomp and circumstance surrounding the royal wedding and endless conversation about Princess Kate.”

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