How Actor John Schneider is Coping After Wife Alicia's Death

Whenever John Schneider feels down, he looks at the tattoo of his late wife’s fingerprint on his hand. “We held hands all the time, and it’s the spot on my hand where her thumb would rest,” he tells Closer. “The notion of her putting her thumb there again keeps me going.”

Last February, the actor and country music singer lost Alicia Allain, his wife of four years, after a protracted battle with cancer. “I saw her pain, so I am delighted with God for ending it,” says John, 63, who has channeled his grief into his faith and the songs he wrote in Alicia’s honor. “I believe with all my heart and soul that one day, I will close my eyes here and I will open them there, and she’ll be there,” he says.

It’s been a rough road for John, who was with Alicia for nine years before her passing at age 53. Now, it’s the small moments from their life together that he misses most. “I loved our morning coffee together. I was the coffee elf,” he recalls. “I would make our lattes and we’d sit out on the porch in our rocking chairs and talk about our plans for the day. Don’t overlook the little things because one day the memory of those little things will be all one of you have.”

Since Alicia’s death, John’s been spending time with her parents and his friends who have also known loss. “You don’t have to talk about it, but just being with other people who understand helps,” he says. “Otherwise, you feel like the odd person in the room, like nobody gets it. [My friend and I] look across at couples who are holding hands with a little bit of jealousy, honestly.”

After two divorces, John, who rose to fame at age 18 playing Bo Duke on The Dukes of Hazzard, felt fortunate to have found Alicia and proud to call her his soulmate. “I loved doing concerts because I could always see her out there singing along and dancing,” he says through tears, adding that Alicia was the only person he trusted to drive their motor home as they traveled between shows. “She’s 5-foot-4 and you could barely see her up there, but she would drive this 45-foot monstrous thing.”

Not long after Alicia’s death, John began writing the songs that would become his new album We’re Still Us. “The only way I get through the day is by distracting myself,” he explains. “I was at an emotional crossroads. But I know that Alicia loves the music that we did, so I had to do something to honor her.”

The result is a collection of very personal songs about love, faith and dealing with loss. “I’m certain it is inspired by God,” says John, “because almost all of these song titles came to me immediately.” Putting his emotions to music and sharing them with others has helped, too. “They say people die twice, when they stop breathing and the last time their name is mentioned,” he says. “My mission is to keep Alicia going for as long as I’m here.”