In her new memoir entitled, Unbreak My Heart, Toni Braxton reveals the guilt she felt after having an abortion more than 10 years ago and debates whether God has punished her since for going through with the procedure.

When Toni discovered she was pregnant with the child of then-boyfriend, soon-to-be-husband, Keri Lewis, the Grammy winner was on a six-month prescription of Accutane, a heavy-duty acne medicine which comes with serious side-effects for fetuses.

Partly due to the risks associated with the prescription and partly due to convenience, the singer decided to terminate the pregnancy, creating an overwhelming feeling of guilt having been raised in a strict Christian household.

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Braxton with sons Denim and Diezel in 2013

When Toni gave birth to younger son Diezel in 2003, who was later diagnosed with autism, the now 46-year-old has always felt she was to blame. “Is God punishing me for that abortion?” she writes in the memoir.

The Maryland-native admits she “believed that God’s payback was to give my son autism” as well as inflict her with lupus.

In the memoir, Toni also takes sides on the great autism/vaccine debate, siding with anti-vaccination advocate Jenny McCarthy.

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Braxton with McCarthy on “The View”

“Maybe it’s just a coincidence that after my son’s first MMR vaccine, I began to notice changes in him,” she says, describing how her son wasn’t as affectionate or spirited after coming home from the hospital.

For more on Toni’s personal struggles, including her two bankruptcies, and life as an R&B superstar, pick up Unbreak My Heart, available now.