Oh, Samantha… what are we going to do with you? On Tuesday, Sept. 18, Meghan Markle‘s very vocal half-sister, Samantha Markle, took to Twitter to dish out some seriously paranoid claims. “To the morons sitting in the van running a mobile router to tap my phone, close your zippers, your shrinky dinks are visible!” she began.

Hmmm, OK. Let’s unpack that for a second, shall we? For starters, we sincerely doubt that any government or private agency capable of phone tapping would be interested in Samantha. Secondly, a grown woman using the term “shrinky dink” to describe the male anatomy is just all sorts of wrong. 

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“It cracks me up! And if they put remote cameras on me like they did at my old house I will show them my butt,” Sam continued. Would someone care to explain the genetics behind one sibling becoming the Duchess of Sussex and the other talking about mooning people on the internet? 

Finally, Samantha suggested that both the people bugging her house and “tabloid readers” are “crazy.” Do y’all think she’s ever heard that idiom about the pot and the kettle? Probably not, right? All jokes aside, we’re just happy that Samantha took a break from her regularly scheduled royals bashing to focus on something else — no matter how outlandish it sounds. 

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After all, one of the last times we heard from Samantha was during her epic Twitter rant (we’re noticing a pattern here) when she called poor Meghan a “Ducha–.” Clever wordplay? Yes, actually. Appropriate? Er, no. Let’s just hope that Meghan is too preoccupied with her perfect royal life to pay attention to Twitter… or really anything her “quirky” extended family has to say. 

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