This is so sad. Kelly Clarkson candidly opened up about her recent weight gain in a recent interview — and revealed she’s done trying to please everyone when it comes to her figure.

“People think, Oh, there’s something wrong with her. She’s putting on weight,” Kelly, 35, shared with Redbook. “I’m like, ‘Oh, no! I’m sorry, but that represents happiness in my emotional world.'” She added, “No one actually cares about your health. They just care about aesthetics. It’s when I’m fat that I’m happy.”

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Kelly on American Idol in 2002. (Photo Credit: Getty Images)

“If you gauge your life on what other people think, you’re going to be in a constant state of panic trying to please everyone,” she said. “People should just concentrate on their own lives and their own health and their own happiness, and whatever that looks like for you, be happy with it.”

Kelly also recently confessed that she had suicidal thoughts when she was at her thinnest in the past. After releasing her second album, Breakaway, in 2004, Kelly recalled being pressured to be as “skinny” as other singers her age. “When I was really skinny, I wanted to kill myself. I was miserable, like inside and out, for four years of my life. But no one cared because aesthetically you make sense,” she told Attitude magazine.

Kelly — who battled bulimia during her high school years — remembered that time in her career as being “very dark.” She continued, “I thought the only way out was quitting. I, like, wrecked my knees and my feet, because all I would do is put in headphones and run. I was at the gym all the time.” Today, Kelly is finally happy in her skin.

“I don’t obsess about my weight, which is probably one of the reasons why other people have such a problem with it. There are just some people who are born skinny and with a great metabolism — that is not me,” she previously told Redbook magazine. “I wish I had a better metabolism. But someone else probably wishes they could walk into a room and make friends with everyone like I can. You always want what someone else has.”

Since winning American Idol back in 2002, Kelly has not only achieved mega career success but also happiness in her personal life. She tied the knot with talent manager Brandon Blackstock in October 2013 and the two are now parents to kids River Rose Blackstock, 3, and Remington Blackstock, 1, together. But, Kelly has admitted that balancing her career and family hasn’t always been easy. “It’s just so hard to have normalcy. I love to sing, and I love to talk to people at meet-and-greets. It’s just all the crap that comes along with this job… I don’t love traveling because I’m never home. It’s hard when you have a family,” she said in a past interview.