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From Dry Turkey to Dreaded Politics, These Funny Hacks Will Save Your Thanksgiving

Misc

Nov 18, 2017 10:00 am·

By Chelsea Duff

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These days, it seems like you have to have a whole host of life hacks just to get through a successful Thanksgiving dinner. There are articles upon articles all over the Internet suggesting the best way to skim the fat out of your gravy, make the perfect pie crust, salvage a burnt turkey, and find the right recipes to satisfy all of your guests' dietary restrictions. And those are all pretty helpful. But this year, we're giving you the real holiday hacks. The ones that are completely fool-proof and the solution to pretty much any problem you might have. Already stressing about the big dinner? Don't worry — we've got your back.

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What do I do if there are no turkeys left by the time I get to the market?

Honestly? Skip the turkey and start a new tradition. Chicken wings are basically the same anyway, and when you pick up a platter you can make sure you get plenty of drumsticks. Aren't the legs the part of the turkey that everyone fights over? This way, everyone can get a leg — and they can also choose whatever sauce they like to go with it. Who said honey barbecue chicken wings aren't festive?

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This year it's just me and my kids. Do I really have to make a whole feast?

Turkey, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, green beans. Who has the time, even if you're just waiting in line at Costco to buy everything premade? Why go through all those motions when you can just skip to the best part of the meal — dessert? Pick up a couple store-bought pies and just pig out. Everyone gets their own and a giant spoon to eat it with.

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How do I politely shut down political talk at the dinner table?

This one's easy. Institute a no politics rule with a sign out front — and a clearly marked time-out corner with a dunce cap placed on a stool. Whenever anyone starts to get chatty and go full policy wonk over stuffing, send them to the time-out corner with their plate.

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What if there aren't enough dinner rolls to go around?

Those buttery bready bites of deliciousness can go fast, and sometimes with people grabbing a couple, there just aren't enough for everyone. Instead, don't display them on the table with the rest of the food for people to dish onto their plates. Keep them at the head of the table, and hand them out based on merit. Who's thanked you for inviting them into your home? They can have a roll. Were the kids late and dressed sloppily when they came to the table? No roll for them. Someone offers to stay and clean up afterwards? Well, they get two rolls for their troubles.

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I missed my flight to my sister-in-law's house and now I'm stuck at home without my family.

Wink. Really you're just too stressed to be bothered, so kick your feet up and enjoy your staycation! Finally, a little time for yourself. Your sister-in-law won't even question it, either. Last-minute flight changes happen, and so does holiday traffic. Instead of trying furiously to book another trip out, just say you did and sit back on the couch, pop on some fuzzy socks, and start binging Christmas movies on Hallmark channel. Don't worry, the marathons started even before Halloween.

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The turkey turned out awful. Now what?

Guess it's time to break out those extra bottles of wine you've had tucked away in the garage. Sure, you sprung for a couple reds for the table already. But if there's no fixing that dry, flavorless bird, you'll just have to get your guests sauced in another way. Once they've had a few glasses, they won't even notice that you completely forgot to season the main entrée. Or even if they do, you'll be a couple drinks too deep to care.