Even though Full House has been off the air since 1995, fans are still obsessed with it — so much so that they’ve created some pretty hair-raising theories. If you’re new to “fan theories,” they’re simply hypothetical explanations to questions the show doesn’t answer, like why does Joey never move out of the house? Or, why is everyone so mean to Kimmy Gibbler? We searched the web to find the most interesting and, well, weirdest theories we could find, and honestly, we feel we might have to rewatch the whole show now! Below, five theories that’ll make you think longer and harder about Full House than you ever have.
Fan Theory #1: Joey is the real dad.
Now hold on to your seat (or whatever you’re sitting on right now) cause this theory is completely believable. Five years ago, a blogger proposed that Full House was more like an episode of Maury. According to them, since Uncle Jesse is Greek, that means Pam, the girls’ deceased mother, was also Greek. And if all three girls were half-Greek, is it realistic that all of them had blonde hair and blue eyes? The only other character in the show with blonde hair is Joey, which means—dun dun dun—he could possibly be the real father of the girls.
It makes sense, too. Joey supposedly isn’t related to the Tanners, he’s just a family friend who is perfectly OK living in the garage to help out his childhood friend — for seven years. If Joey was the real father of D.J., Stephanie, and Michelle, it would make more sense why he stuck around for so long and why he loves the girls as if they were his own. Hey, it’s definitely plausible. Just don’t tell Danny.
Fan Theory #2: Michelle doesn’t exist.
This is probably one of the creepier fan theories. A few years ago, an artist created the webcomic Garfield Minus Garfield, which took Garfield comic strips and edited them without Garfield. What remained was a somber look at the angst of Jon Arbuckle who was simply imagining his cat was speaking to him to make his life look less depressing. Deep, huh? Well someone decided to do the same for Full House.
The YouTube channel Full House Without Michelle takes scenes from the show and edits Michelle out of them. According to the creator, their theory is that Michelle never existed. Instead, Danny created her to help him cope with the loss of his wife, Pam. Because his family feels sorry for him, they play along. It’s actually quite creepy. Just watching Danny trying to potty train a doll all by himself is an image we’ll never forget.
Fan Theory #3: Kimmy Gibler isn’t the “whacky” neighbor, the Tanners are.
Throughout the ’80s and ’90s, all sitcoms had a “whacky neighbor,” and for Full House that character was D.J.’s friend, Kimmy Gibler. Whenever she’s on screen, the Tanners love putting her down and insulting her whenever they can, which is a pretty rude thing to do to a teenage girl. To justify this, Kimmy is painted as a weirdo who doesn’t fit into the Tanner’s “perfect” world. However, as one blogger pointed out, the Tanners aren’t quite normal themselves. They’re all local celebrities (Joey hosts a children’s show, Danny is a morning talk show host, and Jesse is a musician) and yet they’re all squeezed into attics, garages, and basements because — why exactly?
The only weird thing about Kimmy is that her parents are hippies and she tried to raise an ostrich in her backyard once. This theory purports that the show intentionally tries to make Kimmy look odd in order to make the Tanners look normal by comparison, otherwise viewers might start to question the Tanners and their strange ways. We believe it. #TeamKimmy
Fan Theory #4: Full House is the sequel to How I Met Your Mother.
If you haven’t watched the finale of How I Met Your Mother yet, you might want to stop reading as there are spoilers ahead. Anyway, during HIMYM‘s controversial finale, it was revealed that Ted’s wife, the “mother,” had passed away. Considering Ted’s narration voice is done by Bob Saget, the same actor who plays Danny, many fans have created the theory that the two shows are linked. According to this theory, after HIMYM‘s finale, Ted/Danny sends his son to live with Barney and he takes his daughter and two other girls and moves to San Francisco. “Ted backwards is DET,” a reddit user pointed out. “As in… DANNY ERNEST TANNER!!!” It’s fun to think about, but it’s a bit of a stretch.
Fan Theory #5: The entire show takes place in purgatory.
Now this one is the most (how should we put this?) philosophical of the theories, but stay with us. As you might already know, according to some religions, purgatory is a place the soul goes that exists between heaven and hell, sort of like a waiting room. One fan came up with a theory that Pam didn’t die at all and it was actually Danny and the girls who died and their souls were trapped in purgatory. As for Uncle Jesse and Joey, they were already dead, and thus, joined the family in purgatory since their souls hadn’t reached paradise either. And that leaves us with Michelle.
Now here’s where the theory gets weird. Apparently, Michelle is actually a demon whose role is to keep the family in the house so that they never make it to heaven. We guess it sort of makes sense. In the show, Michelle would always get sad whenever Joey or Uncle Jesse tried to move out of the house, prompting them to live bizarrely in attics and garages. “The Afterlife tries twice to set the Tanner Clan free,” the owner of the theory wrote. “The first time is with Bond Lou Bond, who tries to buy the house letting all the Tanners move on, but wait? What’s this? Someone doesn’t want to move. Guess who? Michelle, she stops the sale, keeping them all together.” This is too deep for us.