Not every woman’s road to motherhood is easy, and that’s exactly why mom-of-two Gisele Bündchen is candidly speaking out in a new interview about the struggles she personally faced when she became a parent. 

“When I became a mom, I kind of lost myself. It was like a part of me died. I’d been this very independent person. It was all about me. But now I had this little being, and I suddenly felt l couldn’t do other things and that was very hard for me. All I ever wanted was to be a mom, but when you’re actually experiencing that, it’s a shock,” the 38-year-old model told People

Though Gisele chose not to give up her successful career when she became a mom to son Benjamin, 8, and daughter Vivian, 5 — she’s also a step-mother to husband Tom Brady‘s eldest son, Jack, 11, whom she lovingly refers to as her “bonus child” — the star admitted she has felt immense guilt being away from her kids while at work. 

“I had all this horrible, self-imposed guilt. I thought what a terrible mother I was for leaving my child even for like a day,” Gisele explained. And when she was able to bring her children with her to work, “I was feeling guilty for that too. Like, ‘Here we are on a plane and the baby is crying,'” she added. 

While speaking to People, Gisele also revealed that tough parenting moments have also occasionally put a strain on her nearly 10-year marriage to football star Tom. “You’re overwhelmed and tired and then you’re not the nicest partner,” she said. “When someone you love is happy, it makes you happy, or if they’re sad it makes you sad. You suffer with them and you have joy with them.”