For the first time since her affair with the President of the United States became public in 1998, Monica Lewinsky is writing about arguably the biggest scandal of the last 20 years.
“It’s time to burn the beret and bury the blue dress,” the now 40-year-old writes in Vanity Fair. “I, myself, deeply regret what happened between me and President Clinton."
Monica makes it clear she did not choose to remain silent due to a pay-off by the Clintons. She simply states she is now ready to stop "tiptoeing around my past—and other people’s futures."
In the essay, published in the new issue of Vanity Fair, Monica details her public humiliation after news broke of the affair and her suicidal thoughts during the different investigations.
"Perhaps by sharing my story...I might be able to help others in their darkest moments of humiliation," she writes. "The question became: How do I find and give a purpose to my past?”
The world's most famous intern maintains her relationship with the president was one between two consenting adults.
“Sure, my boss took advantage of me, but I will always remain firm on this point: it was a consensual relationship," Monica says. "Any ‘abuse’ came in the aftermath, when I was made a scapegoat in order to protect his powerful position."
After moving to London, where she received her masters in social psychology, she admits finding a job after the tabloid frenzy was difficult due to her "history."
“I was never ‘quite right’ for the position," she remembers. "In some cases, I was right for all the wrong reasons, as in ‘Of course, your job would require you to attend our events.’"
She also asserts her humiliation was made much worse by an emerging technology called "the Internet," where Monica still sees her name pop up daily, some 16 years later.
In response to reports that former first lady Hillary Clinton referred to her as a "narcissistic looney toon" following the leak, the brunette simply says, "If that's the worst thing she said, I should be so lucky."
Read more in the June issue of Vanity Fair, on newsstands May 13.
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